Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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