I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
