I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
