I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
