How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
