guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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