i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Come see our sink grown plant.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
