i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I need to align my fucking chakras
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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