I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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