I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
