every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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