I think I died a long time ago.
the condom got lost in my hair
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
