The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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