yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
