I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
