R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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