I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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