Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
