she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
