cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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