Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
