Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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