you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
