You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
