Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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