wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
