Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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