i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
