Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
