The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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