Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
