Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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