You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
