rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
