Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
