I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
