You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
