I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
