apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
