I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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