I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
