where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
