i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
