i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
