Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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