he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
