I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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