Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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