omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
