Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
