My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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