we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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