I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
