Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
