At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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