we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
