Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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