My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just cropdusted the office
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
